


Keeping Up With The Cadets

by wikelia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: everything's the same except eren has a camera, it's the only camera in the show but no one will question it, this is a parody not to be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29192094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wikelia/pseuds/wikelia
Summary: Eren decides to record his quest for revenge, and everyone else realizes they have stuff to record too.
Relationships: Erin Yeager & Everyone, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott & Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover & Annie Leonhart, Sasha Blouse & Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer, The cadets - Relationship, and sometimes the higher ups too
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLease don't take this seriously, I'm just having fun.

EXT. OUTSIDE ON TRAINING GROUNDS

The camera turns on. We see EREN, fiddling with it and struggling until he places it against a rock. With two thumbs up, he waves.

EREN  
Hi. I'm your worst nightmare. Also known as Eren Yeager.

He gives his fiercest look to the camera. We are supposed to be scared.

EREN  
Today is my first day of training so I can hunt down every single Titan and make them pay for what they did to my mother. She got eaten, by the way. I don't talk about it too often, it hurts too much.

He looks off into the distance, lost in thought for a few seconds.

EREN  
Anyway, I only have two friends. They're clingy and annoying and I love them but I would totally murder them if given the opportunity.

He starts waving to someone in the distance.

EREN  
Armin, Mikasa, come look!

ARMIN and MIKASA come into view, both of them curiously peering at the camera.

MIKASA  
What is this?

EREN  
I figured our journey will be so epic from here on out that we need to record every moment of it.

ARMIN  
So...like a video diary?

EREN  
It's not a _diary_ , Armin. Come on.

He shoves his shoulder. Mikasa is still staring, confused, at the camera, as though she doesn’t quite understand the point.

EREN  
We’re going to call it...Eren’s Amazing Quest For Revenge.

MIKASA gives him a look. ARMIN pouts.

EREN  
(begrudgingly)  
Featuring Mikasa and Armin.

When the two still look dubious, he fishes out a marker from his pocket and picks up the camera to write something on it. We see a few other recruits, some of them looking strangely at the trio wondering what they’re up to.

EREN  
See?

He points proudly at the camera, setting it down again.

EREN  
It says E + M + A. It’s _our_ camera.

ARMIN  
I feel like this is _our_ camera as much as Mikasa’s scarf is _our_ scarf.

MIKASA  
(protectively curling her hands around her neck)  
Don't even think about writing on this.

ARMIN  
I don't want to _write_ on it, but I am a little cold, so do you mind lending it for a bit?

MIKASA  
(looking as though ARMIN has just asked for her kidneys)  
Yes, I _mind_ , Armin. Find your own scarf.

ARMIN  
Oh, I'll just wait for my savior to stab my kidnappers to death.

They look at EREN, who isn't paying attention, too focused on practicing his salute.

We hear a loud shout, demanding that the cadets get into line. The three of them snap to attention, and EREN hurriedly grabs the camera and presses his face against it.

EREN  
(speaking quickly)  
That concludes the first episode of Eren's Quest For Revenge featuring Mikasa and Armin! The first day of training starts now! Titans, here we come!

He covers the screen with his hand, and we see no more.


	2. First Day Aftermath

INT. THE EMPTY DINNER HALL

ARMIN waves to the camera. Him, Eren and Mikasa peer at it, as though they’re astonished it’s still working. They also all look exhausted.

EREN  
(slurring a little in tiredness)  
First day, done. Woohoo.

ARMIN AND MIKASA  
(in monotone voices with sad clapping)  
Yayyyy.

ARMIN   
Are we sure we want to do this? My grandpa wasn’t that important.

MIKASA leans over to whisper to EREN.

MIKASA   
What was his grandpa’s name again?

EREN  
(whispering back)  
Wasn’t it, like, Paw-paw or something?

MIKASA   
I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you think his name was Paw-paw.

ARMIN   
You guys know I can hear you, right?

MIKASA and EREN look shocked.

ARMIN   
His name was David.

EREN   
That’s a lame-ass name, Armin. It kinda sounds like his parents doomed him to die from the start.

MIKASA   
Yeah, your great-grandparents were kinda cruel.

ARMIN   
They’re dead too.

EREN   
No one cares.

ARMIN   
Just like no one cares about Carla?

EREN’S face contorts with anger as MIKASA gasps.

EREN   
How  _ dare _ you?

MIKASA  
(shaking her head)  
Low blow, Armin.

ARMIN throws up his hands in exasperation. He can’t win.

EREN   
Anyway, before Armin decided to be a  _ bully _ , I was gonna introduce the cadets we met today.

ARMIN   
They’re not here, though.

MIKASA   
And unfortunately, you are.

ARMIN   
I hate you two so much.

EREN   
First, there’s Sasha. She’s insane, but she likes potatoes. Pretty sure she’s still running laps outside.

MIKASA   
I don’t like her.

EREN   
Noted. Next is Jean. I like Jean. I think we’re gonna be great friends.

MIKASA   
Don’t even remember that one.

ARMIN   
The horse-faced guy?

MIKASA’S face is blank.

EREN   
No time to spare for Mikasa’s bad memory. After that, there’s Connie.

ARMIN   
Connie’s bald.

MIKASA   
I like Connie.

EREN   
You guys don’t  _ have _ to give your opinion on everyone.

ARMIN   
Okay, fine. Continue.

EREN   
There’s Richard and Bernard.

ARMIN   
I don’t think -

MIKASA   
\- doesn’t  _ sound _ right -

EREN  
(barreling forward)  
Richard and Bernard are pretty cool. There’s also Annie.

MIKASA   
How did you decide which order to do this in?

EREN   
In order of how important I think they’ll be in my quest for revenge.

ARMIN   
Please tell us how exactly Sasha will be important.

EREN   
I just gotta feeling. That girl’s a survivor. Richard’s probably gonna die, you know?

MIKASA   
You have a terrible judge of character.

EREN   
There’s that girl who’s definitely gay.

MIKASA   
You already introduced Annie.

EREN   
_ No _ -

ARMIN   
You mean Krista?

EREN   
No, the tall one.

ARMIN   
Reiner isn’t a girl.

EREN   
Who the  _ fuck _ is Reiner?

MIKASA   
Are you talking about Ymir? 

EREN   
_ Yes. _ Ymir. Sounds weird. Ha, I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it.

ARMIN   
God help you.

EREN   
And then there’s a bunch of people I don’t care about who will probably die along with Richard in the first arc of my revenge series.

MIKASA   
What about Bernard?

ARMIN   
You guys mean  _ Bertolt _ -

EREN   
Bernard’s definitely going to live. Bernard supremacy.

ARMIN slumps forward on the table.

ARMIN  
(in a muffled voice)  
God, I wish you guys would have just let me get beat up by those bullies.

EREN   
We wish that every day too. Too late now, you’re stuck.

MIKASA   
And  _ we’re _ stuck with some conspiracy theorist who believes in the sea.

ARMIN   
IT’S IN THE BOOKS, MIKASA!

ARMIN turns his back to them crossly. EREN does not seem to care.

EREN  
(looking directly at the camera)  
You guys think I’m missing anyone?

ARMIN  
(with his back still turned)  
What about the trainer?

EREN   
Oh yeah, he looks familiar for some reason.

MIKASA   
Imagine if he like...dated your mom or something.

EREN   
_Why_ is that thought even in your head?

ARMIN   
I feel like that’s a plausible theory.

EREN covers his ears.

EREN   
LA LA LA, NOT LISTENING TO THE BOY WHO THINKS THE SEA IS REAL.

EREN and ARMIN both turn their backs on each other. MIKASA sighs, picking up the camera.

MIKASA   
All in all, this was a terrible first day. Can’t wait to have more terrible days.

EREN  
(hurriedly turning back)  
That concludes another episode of -

The camera is turned off, and the last thing we hear is EREN shrieking furiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write parody very often and I hate how amateur my writing seems in this. Please don't judge me based on this, and please read something else instead.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how often I'll update this, the idea just came to me and my sister. Expect more short tidbits, and a lot of stuff inspired by A Slap on Titan, The Office, or any other general hilariousness.


End file.
